Now, in an unusual display of management largesse, this barrel is replenished every morning with none other than Arnotts Family Assorted biscuits.
You will be familiar with these biscuits. There's the creamy Monte Carlo, the dark Chocolate Ripple, the rich Scotch Finger, the cute Teddy Bear and the bland Milk Coffee and Milk Arrowroot.
Ahh, but then there is the highly prized and the oh-so-nutty Butternut Snap.
I'm not usually a biscuit person, but I must admit that when I skip breakfast I have been known to use the tongs provided to fish out a biscuit to accompany my morning tea.
And for years when I have done this I have followed the unspoken Biscuit Barrel Protocol, which dictates that whomsoever should visit upon the biscuit barrel is obliged morally and philosophically to take a selection from whatever biscuits' fate has delivered to the surface of the barrel.
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In short, it's bad form to rummage for a Butternut Snap when there's a Milk Coffee on top. And for years I have accepted my fate: I accepted I was simply unlucky when it came to the random selection of biscuits.
Fate would never yield unto me a Scotch Finger let alone a Butternut Snap. And it never occurred to me to question the grand design of the biscuit barrel's biscuit allocation.
Then over Christmas I had a revelation of sorts. Can it be mere coincidence that whenever I go to the biscuit barrel all the good biscuits are gone?
Surely God is not conspiring to float Butternut Snaps to the surface for others, but when he sees me heading for the tea room he deliberately sinks those nutty Butternut Snaps to the barrel's bottom and beyond the convenient reach of my tongs? Upon deliberation I have concluded this is no coincidence and that God is probably probably not behind it.
Do you know what I really think? I think there is a Biscuit Barrel Rummager who gets in early and who does over the barrel before anyone else gets a chance at the Butternut Snaps. I make two observations about this sad state of affairs.
Why has it taken years for this revelation to occur to me? Am I really so naive as to think that some people of questionable biscuit ethics wouldn't rummage a barrel in search of a better biscuit? And, secondly, how does this person (or persons; I wouldn't rule out a Biscuit Collaboration) live with themselves?
If you are the Biscuit Barrel Rummager at one of my two workplaces and you are reading this I hope you feel guilty. And I hope that those unfairly gained Butternut Snaps have converted into kilos that will not budge from your hips where they might serve as a permanent reminder of your ill-gotten gains. But most of all I hope that when you read this, Biscuit Barrel Rummager, that you will mend your ways and join those of us who understand the importance of the Biscuit Barrel Protocol: sometimes you need to take what life dishes out and accept it. Life isn't all Butternut Snap, you know. Sometimes you have to work your way through bland bits to get to the good bits.
Source and Photo: The Australian